So, there’s this robin that built a nest in the rhododendron bush outside my kitchen window. Through the early spring, I watched her sitting on the nest, fluttering away in fear each time I forgot myself and opened the window. Then, after the chicks hatched, I watched her care for them, bringing them grub after grub, worm after worm, all day long, day after day. Feeding a nest of baby robins, it turns out, is an all-consuming affair.
You know what? So is feeding my kids.
I’ve really been identifying with this robin. Since I made the committment to eat more real food, less processed stuff, I’m finding myself in the kitchen more often than I ever — ever — expected to. They are hungry, these kids. They are hungry all the time.
Prepare. Feed. Clean. Repeat. Prepare. Feed. Clean. Repeat. And mind you, my definition of “clean” is pretty loose.
The kitchen is just never where I expected to find myself. I was raised in the era of “Free to Be You and Me,” and I knew that I could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone — even if I had kids. You remember that song, don’t you? yeah, mommies can be almost anything they want to be… (go watch the video here. You know you want to). There were all kinds of things I planned to be doing at this age: Digging up remains of early hominids in Africa. Organizing nature hikes for kids. Running a Fortune 500 company. Playing for the New York Yankees.
I was not going to be in the kitchen. Why would I go there? The days of mothers in aprons were over. It was to be mothers in surgeons’ scrubs, mothers in construction hats, from there on in. We had come a long way, baby. We had overcome.
(What would we eat? I had no idea. It just never occured to me that I’d have to think about food.)
But I have these small people who wander around my kitchen in the early evening, begging like little huns for food, as Vikki once described her own kids. And so I behave like that bird in my front yard: I get them some food, again and again and again (Prepare. Feed. Clean. Repeat.). I haven’t quite resorted to feeding them earthworms yet, but that day might come. And while Blair is game to help, that whole health insurance thing means that we just can’t “share” these duties. Most nights, his job requires that he come home far too late to participate in any sort of cooking.
We do simple things. I’m not a great cook, nor do I aspire to become one. This week, for example, I made a turkey breast on Sunday night, and each night have added chunks of turkey to some fabulous local lettuce greens, along with a bunch of other stuff (cheddar cheese, apples, scallions, herbs, what have you) thrown in. That, with some hunks of bread, makes a decent, if humble, dinner — one that even Merrie will eat if she can douse it with some of Drew’s buttermilk ranch dressing.
I am not making magnificent feasts here. And yet it still takes time, and effort, and patience and sometimes compromising of other goals (overheard in my kitchen last night: “Can you PLEASE just go watch a video while I finish dinner???”).
And even for all this: I’m fortunate. My work day ends early enough that I can prepare a meal, even if it’s just a quick one, even if it’s not a special one. But the fact is, food takes time. It just does. I wish it didn’t. And for many of us who are just building up our food planning and prep skills? And who are really shooting for something better than a frozen Hungry Man dinner? Well…it’s hard. It’s getting easier — it gets easier, more intuitive, with each new thing that I cook — but it’s still hard. And it’s certainly not what I expected of myself at this age.
Commenter Laura was kind enough to send me a link to this terrific post, The Feminist in My Kitchen, by Jennifer Jeffrey, which talks about similar issues. Noting that even though she has a flexible job, she still finds eating locally/healthfully a challenge, she asks:
what about women who, voluntarily or not, log 8 to 10 hours a day, five or six days a week, in an office or hospital or courtroom? What about women who, in addition to working long hours and commuting back and forth, also have children at home who need love and affection and help with homework? What about women who, in addition to work and kids and a significant other, also think it might be nice to hit the gym two or three times a week? Or have a social life? Or read a book or take a judo class or become a better photographer?
Some of her conclusions about these challenges, in Part 2, are just as savvy.
For a different perspective — a mom who is (refreshingly! ahh, hope!) no longer quite so challenged by the prospect of preparing foods nightly — you should check out this article, Mom Puts Family on Her Meal Plan, in today’s Times. There are no recipes, but she does offer great ideas for very simple meals that can be quickly assembled, or kept on hand — a very basic roasted chicken, or quickly-seared meat over greens. She also recommends that you have 5-6 basic dishes memorized, so you can prepare them without any thought at all.Want some more help? Check out Expat’s ideas on planning meals that make you look like a superchef.
And if you need a little help with the planning, hop on over to download FrugalMom’s Menumaker (I downloaded it — it was far easier than I expected, and I’m now starting to get it loaded up with recipes).
I guess the thing is, if you want good food, you’ve got to prioritize it. Some other things have got to give. Neatness is one of the things that I’ve moved to the bottom of my priority list these days. If my house makes a statement, it’s this: We’re busy, we actually live here, we make messes, get used to it.
Don’t believe me? This is our bed on a typical day:
We rarely make the beds. Some days I have trouble finding something clean to wear. I am almost always overdue for a haircut, and my nails are never done. Mail piles up on our kitchen table. The check engine light has been on in my car for months, and I’ve got a crack in my windshield that needs fixing.
But the thing is, for the last few nights, we’ve sat down to a dinner that includes heaps of local, organic, nutrient-dense salad for dinner, and no one has even thought to complain.
I can’t prioritize it all, so I’m choosing to prioritize this — choosing to be like that robin outside my window (Prepare. Feed. Clean. Repeat.) and mostly — mostly — feel good about it.
I have the utmost respect for moms (or dads) who put meals on the table for their families, be it from a box or from scratch. Though I’m single and only cooking for me, I’m definitely one of the “works 10-12 hours a day and has an hour commute each way” women and I find it exhausting to think about preparing a meal from scratch when I finally get home, though (most nights) I do it because I believe so strongly in knowing exactly what is in my food. Kudos to you for making “cleaner” living a priority in your house.
**I don’t make my bed either. I saw we all post photos of our unmade beds this week on our blogs in support of being members of the Cleaner Plate Club!
I love this post and identify with it so much. One hard thing for me is the ‘thinking ahead’ part. Now that I have all these fresh veggies from our farm share, I have to plan how to use them all before the week is up. Tonight it is taco salad with ‘Boca crumbles’ and corn tortilla strips. I wish I had time to make homemade salsa, but you gotta do what you can and not kick yourself for what you can’t.
Commenter Laura here — I’m so glad you enjoyed this article, I knew it seemed like just your kind of thing.
Wow. I had goosebumps there at the end of that post. I can feel your pain. I can so relate. I happen to stay at home and raise my 3 kids, but I still feel like I could pretty much just bring a cot into the kitchen and make it home away from home.
Healthy, local and(organic if you can) eating doesn’t have to be hard. But is does take more time that is for sure. You certainly don’t just open an box and add water and stir.
But I have to say it is one of the most rewarding things to do and one of the best things that I think you can teach your children.
Whew. I feel better about our unmade beds now. THANK YOU!
Nails? Hair? I went to a client meeting today, fresh out of a shower, wet hair, because the only way I get a work out is to run at noon.
I get four hours to cook for the week (two naps worth of time over the weekend), plus one quick meal when the leftovers run out. It can be done. Gotta like leftovers around here. And nearly all the recipes I create are quick fix ones. Real ingredients, real easy.
The knife skills and auto-pilot will come quickly. You’ll surely get there, Ali! You have such a drive to do this. You are doing fantastic.
Your bed looks very comfortable. I don’t make mine either. My husband kicks everything off the bed when he gets in and I get tired of picking it all up every morning. Some call it lazy, but I, too, have my priorities!
Thanks for all the links. You are a fabulous mother bird and your little chicks are blessed to have you!
I thought of you last night…I was at the coop buying some fruit for the kids and there were 3 kinds of cherries. I know nothing about cherries because I don’t eat them but Luisa and the kids love them. Anyway, I didn’t know which kind to get so I looked at where they came from and picked the ones grown closest to our home!
Bless you for saying all of that out loud! You are so not alone in your struggles. If I cook, my house falls apart. If I clean, I don’t have enough time to cook. If I do all that I need to, I don’t have enough time for the kiddo. It’s all a big juggling act and I can never get all the balls to stay up in the air long enough to catch my breath.
I just returned from a 3-day film shoot in South Jersey, where the broiling, flat landscape was riddled with strip malls of Wendy’s, Charlie Browns, and Wa Was. Hating to be stranded with no healthy options, I armed myself with two giant bags of Whole Foods goods — in the mornings, my crew and I avoided the motel Fruit Loops and instead ate granola with fresh berries and soy milk. Lunch consisted of edamame, cashews, almonds, goat cheese and cranberry salad, hummus and carrots. Dinner was smoked salmon, mixed greens and pineapple. It was so great to control our own dietary destinies in the middle of that sad, uninspired landscape (no offense to any native Jerseyans).
Back in the Big City, husband (who does all of the cooking in this family, mostly vegetarian) announced tonight that he is no longer eating anything with Corn Syrup. I’m not sure I can go that far (Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice is still a favorite), but it’s clear that even for a relatively ‘healthy’ family, this blog is still influencing our food choices, pushing us to be even more mindful of what we put in our mouths. Good work, Cleaner Plate Club.